Feeling Discouraged

Hello!

I'm not sure how many people actually read my blog, But I wanted to sit down and just write out some feelings. Something I can look back on, and see how I've felt this time, next year, or the years following.

As some of you know, I run a youtube channel. I've been working on it for what's coming up on 2 years.  There are days where I wish I would have started working in the whole youtube realm earlier, like most people that are in the 100's of thousands, or even millions. I understand that everyone does things at their own pace, But if I would have started 2 years earlier, maybe I'd be more well known in the youtube community. 

As of recently, I had a sweet friend collaborate with me, and she's amazing! She's helped me get to where I am now, and with out her, I would still be at 480 subscribers, pushing to get to 500 subscribers. Here I am sitting at 2.8k subscribers, and I couldn't be happier. But there are days where I will lose 5 or 10 people that were subscribed, and I just feel like, " whats the point anymore". Then I look at all the people that have been there since I started, and I am quickly reminded that there are people out there that love and support me. 

Sometimes I also wonder if I'm financially stable enough to keep going. The beauty community isn't a cheap community by any means. Makeup costs A LOT of money. I think that a lot of people don't understand, that smaller channels have to buy everything they review. I've spent over $500 alone on makeup in ONE year. That is so much money, its unbelievable. If I put the 2 years I've been on youtube, the makeup swaps I've done, the giveaway's I've done, and the amount of other money I've spent on my channel, I would be well over 5 thousand dollars. 

You see all these bigger youtubers get sent PR or Paid for reviews, or things thrown at them because of their subscriber amount.  I've been doing the whole Product reviewing thing for less than a year, and I can honestly say, that I know when a youtuber is lying about a product that they were sent. Most bigger youtubers will hold up a product and say " this is amazing" and they haven't even touched the product. They pretty much pulled it out of the box, Held it up, pasted a link in the description box, and BAM!, money into their account. I cant speak on behalf of EVERY youtuber, But I've seen quite a few that have done it. 

That's where doing this job gets hard. Do I sit there and LIE to my subscribers, to get out a video, and hopefully get a paycheck, or do I keep my relationship with my subscribers and ALWAYS be honest.... I'm going with the ALWAYS BE HONEST part. I don't know how someone can say to the people that have made them who and what they are today, "here's this amazing product" even though there is a high chance that it is complete crap. I'm just as much a consumer as I am a reviewer. I want an honest review from someone I can trust, But recently its becoming really hard to know who is being honest, or who is lying. 

I hope that one day, my honesty and my integrity is something a lot of people can look to when it comes to things such as makeup, or even house hold items.  I give my word to every single person that follows me that, if I ever get a product sent to me, I will ALWAYS BE HONEST! I will never let money get in the way of my honesty. Even though being Paid to make a video would be nice, I will never lie about a product no matter how much I get paid.

Back to the feeling discouraged part. I wish I knew weather to keep going or just let it go. I love what I do, But I never know if it's worth it in the end. What's the end goal? Where do I stop? Is this something only a few people care to see me do? Or am I just wasting my own hard earned money and time? I don't know. Its hard to know what direction to go towards anymore. But For right now. I'm going to keep pushing, and Hopefully this time next year, I will be around at least 5k subscribers, and growing.

I want to thank you that have taken the time to read my blog, and have sat through my complaining. I try so hard, and it seems like it all goes unnoticed. I hope one of you notice and see the potential in me.

Until next time, Ill talk to you all later

xx Val